On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 09:04 Redundant Rose
After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one.
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 10:00 padster
Why 11th child, why does that affect the size of the bed the couple need surely despite the number of children a couple have they still only need a double bed.
How do you nick a bed?
Why considering the family are known to social services and so are in receipt of free care and services and presumably regardless of their income a vasectomy would be free on the NHS, the expense should not come into it?
I am no doctor or pyrotechnic but a firework that one could buy in a regular shop that could fit into a beer-can, I imagine would do little or no damage to the can and certainly not cause enough damage to sever the vas deferens.
The whole joy of the joke apart from the use of outrageous stereotypes is the doctor knew the patient ( Mr Liverpool) would need to use his hands in order to count to 10, and in by doing so would need to put the can ( but how he would know this is a mystery , but brilliant anyways) in between his legs right under the offending articles.
Have you got anymore?
ps did you notice it's sunny outside?
( yes i appreciate the irony of pointing out it is sunny outside and a far better use of time than being on here.....whilst being on here)
(( and yes i do have a sense of humour just not as cutting and witty as redundant whoever))
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 10:21 Edward mega fingers
To test the joke, I counted my fingers from 10 down. Right hand, 10, 9, 8 , 7, 6. Then the 5 on the other hand = 11. I need to see that doctor.
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 14:04 Redundant Rose
Thanks for that Padster. You have upset me. I was just hoping to make a few people smile........shan't bother again...
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 14:43
It made me smile
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 16:33 Pete
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 17:54 padster
Did you hear about the clown who got sacked from the circus ?
He is taking them to court for funfair dismissal !
You made some people smile rose and I did not mean to upset you. Just its a tough crowd , I got called a potato munching male appendage just the other day !
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 17:55 Teacher
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 18:36 padster
To all the " and me " like your all F-ing spartcus , what is it about the joke that makes it funny, I would love to know why this joke makes you smile. I await a lesson in lewes culture ..
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 19:10 Bloke
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 19:37 Teacher
And me, by the way who is F-ing Spartacus.
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 21:35 Bloke
I'm not F-ing Spartacus
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 21:38 Sceptic
I am Spartacus, sorry Padster, I meant Spartcus.
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 22:48 expat two
What's the difference between a dead cat on the motorway and a dead banker on the motorway?
There's skid marks around the cat.
On Wed 25 Jul 2012 at: 23:18 expat two
How do you get 8 Tories in a Mini?
promote one, the rest will crawl up his a*se
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 07:09 padster
forgive my spelling.....Spartacus
Would the joke be funny with the omission of Liverpool couple? does that make it funny? What if we changed Liverpool for Lewes couple? or lesbian or black or any subgroup you want to use?
I am sure many will cry out that I am comparing apples with pears? am i , its ok to suggest people from Liverpool are dole scrounging , excessive breeding , work-shy thieves?
so the argument goes:
That's ok but i would draw the line at?
where do you draw the line people? why is it funny that it is a Liverpool couple but not a Lewes couple, why not immigrant couple? because you would find that uncomfortable to laugh at wouldn't you?
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 08:46 Redundant Rose
After having their 11th child, Padster and his 'partner' decided that was enough, as they could not afford a bigger house, and the only alternative was to rob a bank.
Padster went to his doctor and told him that he and his partner didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but the NHS waiting list was very long. A quicker alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
Padster said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in Lewes, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So Padster went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 09:19 Spartacus
I'm a me too RR, ta. Paddy, a wry, humourless, post-modern, politically correct, over analytical deconstruction of a chuck away joke on a web post entitled "non PC joke" really is very funny.
Not jumping on the Spartacus band wagon, I regularly infrequently post on this site as Spartacus. Its one of my real names. Another is Ishmael.
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 10:05 Many
For Christ sake Padster, you are comparing apples with pears here
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 10:16 Its Not Rocket Science
Why is any joke funny Padster? This joke is funny because it works. If it was about a Lewes couple or an immigrant couple it would not work, in the same way your joke about the clown would not work if you replaced the word 'clown' with 'a Lewes man', or 'an immigrant'. Doesn't mean you have anything against clowns though, does it?
Having a sense of humour is always useful. Perhaps you had better start there.
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 11:22 Cheeky Monkey
Lost. A sense of humour. If found, please return to Padster.
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 12:57 The Joker
Can you get a sense of humour bypass op on the NHS these days?
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 13:29 teacher
That joke about Padster and his partner was hilarous Redundant Rose, better than the original. Keep them flowing.
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 13:34 padster
It's "not rocket science", at least your trying to answer my question instead of just accusing me of not having a sense of humour.
So the point is sound, a joke is funny because it makes people laugh, yet there are things we don't laugh at because we deem them harmful and so not funny, eg jokes about race colour or creed. My argument is why is this joke funny? I believe it's attempt at humour is to take a stereotype a Liverpool couple who have had lots of children , abuse the welfare state, think nothing of thieving and as a result of this stereotype are thick hence the joke being funny because their GP will recognise this from who they are. have I got that right? anyone .......because if I have it's NO different than making jokes that if posted on here many of you would be up in arms.
I am just saying some people on here don't seem to have consistency in what is acceptable or not.
Your right rocket science the joke would not work if you replaced the subject to Lewes couple or clown or immigrant but sadly their is a stereotype of some people from Liverpool being work-shy so it works because it's based on a negative stereotype. I am repeating myself now so believe what you want but a different point of view is good, I think.
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 13:52 Cheeky Monkey
I heard that if you try and analyze humour it stops being funny.
This thread is not funny now.
Can someone start a new joke thread PLEASE!
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 20:55 The Champion of Capua
Theres these two homosexuals having sex in a car.......... What's wrong with that ???? They're both over 21 !!!
A young Lewes woman was applying for benefit. The clerk asked "how many chidren have you?" 0 2
On Thu 26 Jul 2012 at: 21:56 Sussex Jim
Clerk: What are their names?
Woman: Wayne, Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne.
Clerk: That's interesting. How do you control them?
Woman: When dinner's ready, I say "Wayne, dinner" and they all sit at the table. Later, I say "Wayne,bedtime" and they all go to bed.
Clerk: But there must be occasions when you want to speak to one individually?
Woman: That's easy. I just use his surname.